Carly Marie Dudley has helped many hurting souls to heal through her artwork and projects for baby-loss parents. One of her projects (my personal favorite) has been a yearly Prayer Flag event http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2014/06/august-19th-day-of-hope-the-prayer-flag-project.html, where families can make flags in memory of their little angels, then hang them so that the prayer of their child(ren)'s names can be "spoken" in the wind. This is a short movie of hanging a few of the hundreds of flags sent to her from around the world the first year. Now you are invited to hang your own and share a picture on August 19, Day of Hope.
Below are flags and stories of precious angels gone too soon. Each one represents a child who is loved and remembered. If you'd like to include yours, or would like to make one, please let me know! ~ Carrie
Cassidy Jane Austin
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On July 12, 2012, we were on our way to a family reunion, and stopped at the doctor's office for the big gender ultrasound. I was 23 weeks into the pregnancy, and we had been going over names, excited to see if it was a girl or boy. After a few minutes of checking, we found out some tragic news instead. Our sweet baby girl didn't have a heartbeat, and we would need to go the next day to deliver a stillborn baby. Our two boys were in the waiting room, and my husband had to tell them the news. He then called a co-worker, who left his job site and came right over to watch them. As we were waiting in the ultrasound room (why do they leave you alone without telling you anything?) we called our midwife and we tried to reach my mom who was traveling for the reunion too. Tami, our midwife rushed to the office and gave me a big hug. I felt numb and in shock, and hadn't cried yet, but she sat with us and we mourned together. She also came the next day, and stayed with us the whole time we were in the hospital. When we reached my mom, she and my grandma drove for 3 hours so they could be with us as well. We had four generations in the room when Cassidy was born, but I didn't think to take a picture. One more thing to feel guilty about, but I was so grateful that they were able to come, and we know we were there, even if we didn't take lots of pictures. We are very grateful for the support of everyone!
I really wish we had known earlier that something was wrong, but we were completely shocked. On July 13th, Cassidy Jane Austin was born sleeping. We found out that the cord had twisted to the size of a thread, not letting any oxygen or nutrients get to our baby. I can't describe our heartache, but we were blessed to see her, hold her, take a few pictures, and the nurses dressed her in a beautiful burial dress and bonnet. The doctor and nurses were so kind and helpful. They made sure that we were able to take some cherished mementos home with us, but I would rather have had my baby...
I felt bonded to Cassidy the second she was born. I've never felt such love fill my heart so quickly, but this was the only time we had with her. Even though the doctors said she had been gone at least a week (how is that possible, how did I not know?), and her body wasn't in good shape, I thought she was beautiful. She was so tiny that her whole hand fit on the tip of my finger. We did get a picture of her hands on ours! Her body was only a shell for her wonderful spirit, and I felt her loving spirit very strongly in the room. I knew that she was okay, but what about us? One of the hardest things was hearing our 10 year old son crying in the back seat as we took a long drive home, instead of going to the family reunion. We tried to be there for him, but he broke down in school one day and we didn't hear about it for quite awhile. It's something I wish children didn't have to deal with, but what can we do? He's done a few of the projects with me, so I'm including his doily flag here as well.
Since that day, I have leaned on my religious beliefs more than ever. I know that my baby is in heaven with God. I also feel peaceful, since we were sealed as an eternal family in the LDS temple, and I know we'll see her again. I don't know why God allows tiny babies to die before they even take a breath, but I know that He cares about His children. Beyond that, the comfort of many friends and family members has been a huge blessing! With them, I started sewing Teeny Tears Diapers and clothing items for other angel babies. While I was very grateful that Cassidy had something beautiful to be dressed in, they only had full term size clothes at the hospital. When I later found groups that sew things for the tiny babies, I was excited to participate, even though I hadn't touched a sewing machine since 7th grade! I guess you never know where you'll feel called to serve. The items on this flag are made from diaper scraps, because both the diapers and flags that I have made mean the world to me.
I love you, my Cassidy. I can't wait to see you again, with a perfect body to match your beautiful spirit.
I would be honoured if you'd feature my flags. These were made by my niece, sister & I. The middle flag features buttons from my dad's shirt. He passed away from Leukaemia just 4 days after we made these. He watched us make them. I have taken up baking since our baby Conor died. I've been blogging about my journey atwww.cakesforconor.com.
Our baby is a beautiful boy called Conor Patrick Carter. He kicked for 41 weeks inside me until the night he suddenly stopped kicking. He was born sleeping here in Dublin, Ireland. He made us parents and for that we are grateful. We miss him terribly. I like to think that somewhere Grandad John (my dear dad) and Conor are now together somewhere reading stories and looking for spiders.
Below are flags and stories of precious angels gone too soon. Each one represents a child who is loved and remembered. If you'd like to include yours, or would like to make one, please let me know! ~ Carrie
Cassidy Jane Austin
I really wish we had known earlier that something was wrong, but we were completely shocked. On July 13th, Cassidy Jane Austin was born sleeping. We found out that the cord had twisted to the size of a thread, not letting any oxygen or nutrients get to our baby. I can't describe our heartache, but we were blessed to see her, hold her, take a few pictures, and the nurses dressed her in a beautiful burial dress and bonnet. The doctor and nurses were so kind and helpful. They made sure that we were able to take some cherished mementos home with us, but I would rather have had my baby...
I felt bonded to Cassidy the second she was born. I've never felt such love fill my heart so quickly, but this was the only time we had with her. Even though the doctors said she had been gone at least a week (how is that possible, how did I not know?), and her body wasn't in good shape, I thought she was beautiful. She was so tiny that her whole hand fit on the tip of my finger. We did get a picture of her hands on ours! Her body was only a shell for her wonderful spirit, and I felt her loving spirit very strongly in the room. I knew that she was okay, but what about us? One of the hardest things was hearing our 10 year old son crying in the back seat as we took a long drive home, instead of going to the family reunion. We tried to be there for him, but he broke down in school one day and we didn't hear about it for quite awhile. It's something I wish children didn't have to deal with, but what can we do? He's done a few of the projects with me, so I'm including his doily flag here as well.
Since that day, I have leaned on my religious beliefs more than ever. I know that my baby is in heaven with God. I also feel peaceful, since we were sealed as an eternal family in the LDS temple, and I know we'll see her again. I don't know why God allows tiny babies to die before they even take a breath, but I know that He cares about His children. Beyond that, the comfort of many friends and family members has been a huge blessing! With them, I started sewing Teeny Tears Diapers and clothing items for other angel babies. While I was very grateful that Cassidy had something beautiful to be dressed in, they only had full term size clothes at the hospital. When I later found groups that sew things for the tiny babies, I was excited to participate, even though I hadn't touched a sewing machine since 7th grade! I guess you never know where you'll feel called to serve. The items on this flag are made from diaper scraps, because both the diapers and flags that I have made mean the world to me.
I love you, my Cassidy. I can't wait to see you again, with a perfect body to match your beautiful spirit.
Love always,
Mommy
(Doily flags from my boys, 10 years and 17 months at the time)
Conor Patrick Carter
Our baby is a beautiful boy called Conor Patrick Carter. He kicked for 41 weeks inside me until the night he suddenly stopped kicking. He was born sleeping here in Dublin, Ireland. He made us parents and for that we are grateful. We miss him terribly. I like to think that somewhere Grandad John (my dear dad) and Conor are now together somewhere reading stories and looking for spiders.
Savanna Grace Kovacs
{A kind woman in Australia offered to make a flag for a few mothers who
weren't able to make one. This picture is sent by Savanna Grace's Mommy.}
July 18th 2012, a day we will always cherish as our Beautiful baby girl Savanna Grace Kovacs was brought into this world at 11:42 pm weighing 2 lbs and 3 oz. Our sweet baby girl was born 12 weeks premature at 27 weeks, 5 days gestation.
We are forever proud of how Savanna fought to stay with Mommy and Daddy; she knew how much we loved her and how much we needed her in our lives.
She was absolutely beautiful, she had Mommy's brown hair and lots of it, and my dimple chin! She had beautiful long legs like daddy, along with his fingers and toes. Every time I look at my husband's big toe, I smile as it always reminds me of our baby girl. I will never forget those full lips and big wide eyes. She was perfect!
When Savanna was born by an emergency Cesarean, Daddy got to see her before being taken to the NICU, she grabbed her Daddy's finger tight, and at the very moment he was wrapped around her little finger, his baby girl, his everything.
On the inside she had many little issues, her gastrointestinal tract was blocked in three separate areas and had 2 surgeries in her first 2 days of life. After a hard battle and good days and bad days, her one lung collapsed and after many attempts were not able to open it back up. We were soo close, Savanna was nearly off her oxygen and dwindling off her medications, but in a matter of a day everything began to go wrong and on July 26th our baby girl entered her Eternal Life in Heaven and became a Beautiful Angel.
There is not a day that goes by where I don't ask God why? Why Savanna...Why Us? I know we will never get the answer but we will cherish those 8 wonderful, beautiful and magical days we had with Savanna. We sang to her, spoke softly to her, looked into her eyes, touched her soft skin, held her, rocked her, we are the proudest parents of how hard she fought. It's funny of what our new definition of a 'fighter' is. It's not Mohammad Ali or a man who is 'made of steel'...it is our baby girl, it is all the babies and children fighting for their lives, they are the strongest beings, they are our "Unexpected Heroes" who although are so little, sweet, innocent and precious; they are the strongest beings we have come to know.
We consider ourselves lucky that we got 8 precious days and memories as we know many do not even get a moment where they can see their baby alive. We got to know her personality, she liked pink and purple, giraffes, butterflies and ballerina's and was feisty. Her favourite song is 'All American Girl' by Carrie Underwood, she would jump around in my belly every time I played Carrie's CD, I built up the courage to sing this song as Chris held Savanna for the last time before she passed so they could have their special "Father-Daughter Dance". Every 18th of the month I sing "All American Girl" out loud, and picture Savanna dancing and singing along in Heaven, I can imagine just how beautiful and happy she is. I live for her, I don't know how I get up every morning but I know Savanna has a big part in my strength to go on, and live life. After such a tragedy you can either give up and hide or live as if every day is your last. I appreciate nature more, the blue skies, dragonflies and butterflies, flowers in bloom, all the little things I never truly appreciated before, and I love deeper, my husband is my rock and this has brought us even closer together.
Savanna has brought light to our days, fills us with love, hope and faith; we will Carry Her Always in our Hearts and in our Thoughts, her name will forever be spoken from our lips. Forever will be our Precious, Beautiful, and Perfect Baby Girl. We will Love her forever, Like her for always, as long as we're living Our Baby she'll be <3
Proud Mommy and Daddy to our Angel Savanna Grace, Franca & Chris Kovacs
Our son, Ian Robert Chek, arrived on March 23rd, 2007. He was born too soon, at 27 weeks gestation. He weighed 1 pound, 7 ounces and was a mere 12 inches long - he was termed a "micro-preemie".
Ian came 13 weeks early, because of a condition called Placenta Accreta, which develops in approximately 1 in 2,500 pregnancies. Doctors don't know what causes it, just as they don't know why so many hundreds of thousands of babies are born too soon every year. Ian had several issues from prematurity, including a heart defect. He spent 285 days in the hospital, and survived through multiple tests, surgeries and infections. We lost track of the number of times we were told that he might not make it, but time after time he surprised us all. He was such a strong and courageous boy. Our lives changed forever, on January 3rd, 2008. The doctors informed us that Ian's little body just couldn't take any more. Continuing life saving measures would just be hurting him, and he would have no quality of life, if he did survive. On January 4th, we made a decision that no parents should have to make - to have our son taken off of life support. He had fought so hard to stay with us, but in the end we had to let him go.
There are no words to describe how devastating this has been for our family. We still feel the loss every day.
The second [flag] says "Remember", and there is a butterfly for each of the pregnancies we lost to early miscarriages. Ian came to us via donor embryos. Another family had completed their own, through In vitro Fertilization. Knowing that we had experienced several early miscarriages throughout the 7 years we had been trying to conceive, they donated their "leftover" embryos to us. We were overjoyed to be Ian's parents for the short time we had with him, and we miss him daily.
Ian Robert Chek
Ian came 13 weeks early, because of a condition called Placenta Accreta, which develops in approximately 1 in 2,500 pregnancies. Doctors don't know what causes it, just as they don't know why so many hundreds of thousands of babies are born too soon every year. Ian had several issues from prematurity, including a heart defect. He spent 285 days in the hospital, and survived through multiple tests, surgeries and infections. We lost track of the number of times we were told that he might not make it, but time after time he surprised us all. He was such a strong and courageous boy. Our lives changed forever, on January 3rd, 2008. The doctors informed us that Ian's little body just couldn't take any more. Continuing life saving measures would just be hurting him, and he would have no quality of life, if he did survive. On January 4th, we made a decision that no parents should have to make - to have our son taken off of life support. He had fought so hard to stay with us, but in the end we had to let him go.
There are no words to describe how devastating this has been for our family. We still feel the loss every day.
The second [flag] says "Remember", and there is a butterfly for each of the pregnancies we lost to early miscarriages. Ian came to us via donor embryos. Another family had completed their own, through In vitro Fertilization. Knowing that we had experienced several early miscarriages throughout the 7 years we had been trying to conceive, they donated their "leftover" embryos to us. We were overjoyed to be Ian's parents for the short time we had with him, and we miss him daily.
~ Lori Chek ~
Megan Morrison
Megan Morrison
Megan was diagnosed with a brain tumour when she was 4 years old. She fought hard for 2 years through chemotherapy and radiotherapy. We nearly lost her several times through the treatment alone. She was the bravest brightest little girl and smiled through it all. Ten weeks before she died the tumour took over. She could no longer walk, talk, eat, drink, her eyes were constantly closed, all she could do for herself was breathe. Her amazing spirit was still there, when you opened her eye you could see the brightness in them. I will never forget the gasp she managed when we opened her eyes and she saw her teacher had come to visit!
After 2 of the most traumatic days Megan died on 13th September 2010 aged six.
Making prayer flags, particularly for CarlyMarie's prayer flag project, has helped my healing a lot. It makes me feel closer to Megan as I try to incorporate something about her into each flag. I have used butterflies because that is how I think of her now, some of her clothing, a sun because she was my little ray of sunshine and a bird to represent her flying free of the cancer. I embroidered 'Our gorgeous girl' on one because that is what I used to call her. The latest one I have used her drawings of a butterfly and transferred it and embroidered over the drawing.
It's a beautiful way to honour my Megan x
2 comments:
I am very proud and honoured Megan and her flags are a part of this, thank you x
You're welcome Karen! You can post more if you'd like :)
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